Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Change (for the most part) Sucks!

Change comes in many different forms. As a mom and wife changes take on many shapes and forms on a regular basis. As a mom change sometimes comes with a heartfelt "Thank You God!" ie. your child learns to sleep through the night or they become potty trained. Sometimes change comes with heartfelt sorrow and you feel that little twang of pain in your chest ie. your first born hits puberty and your last born hops on the bus for kindergarten. As a wife, change comes in the form of maturing and deepening your relationship with your husband and continuing to learn about each other even after many years together. So many times at the sake of self sacrifice, determination and hard work on both parts.
Most of the time I have been grateful for the changes......when they have passed and I have had time to adjust. But more often than not, during the times when things are shifting I feel sad. As we speak our family is going through changes. My eldest is having bouts of crying, she is growing like a weed and is constantly changing her clothes and accessories. My middle son is struggling to find his place in this world at the ripe old age of 7 and I am catching glimpses of the young man he is becoming. My baby, almost 5, is no longer a baby. We received paperwork for kindergarten registration and I still don't feel prepared to let him go. My husband, who has been unsatisfied at work for over two years, is starting to reach the end of his rope and we are both wondering where this new year will lead us. In the midst of all this I continue to move forward through the laundry, shuttling of kids, making of meals, cleaning etc. But sometimes it is healthy to have a good cry. Let me rephrase that, sometimes it is NECESSARY to have a good cry. To sit and bawl like a baby and be honest with God and say "You know, I am not liking this process, I know it is necessary and we can't stay the same forever but this is hard and it sucks!"
And God in His infinite wisdom and love gives me His shoulder to cry on and His ear to listen. And when I am done and I reach that completely warn out place, where no more tears will fall and I am completely, exhausted I feel His arms reach around me and give me a hug. And I know that even though change sucks He is there holding me and supporting me along the way.

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